An Axe 2 Grind

Fat and lazy i'm I!

2007-04-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

Yes that’s right! Fat and lazy! That’s what I have to post. The ones, who know me, can contest! Well once this VT things blows over, I'll be back to posting again. Like anyone really reads this thing anyways. I pondered just giving up, but like everything in life, one has to finish what one started, and I feel I'm not finished yet! More people to piss off! I have had one comment since the start of this blog and it said I should watch what I say. I have decided that my vulgar language is a big part of me and that is why I say fuck that! Yes, fuck that and the very few like one person that actually reads anything that I type I have to say fuck, fuck, and fuck. That’s the beginning, the rest is the end...

Find the snake in Google’s pants and you could win!

2007-04-04T15:37:00.000-07:00

This has nothing to do with the Google Snake drinking game online. It has to do with someone loosing there pet snake named Kaiser, while at work. An employee’s python went missing on the weekend in there Manhattan office. Search teams had to go googling all around for the snake and finally found it on Monday night. The snake was found behind a cabinet, I’m sure taking a nape since that place is so gargantuan.

I have a snake in my pants. I also have a pants party and everyone is invited Friday night! If your not there, your not in my pants. Google can try and find the snake in my pants if they like. Sending a search team might be fun as well as long as it’s a bunch of hot big breasted blondes that don’t speak any English. I know it’s ok to bring your bets to work if you work there, but I think there has to be a line drawn. I’m sure this snake being only 3 feet long would not kill you but nevertheless I would say keep that shit at home! My snake is 9 inches around, think about it!

Jesus and Satan battle for Honks!

2007-04-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

A small business owner Claudette Soden in Naugatuck Connecticut, decided to put up a hand-painted sign asking passing cars to beep for Christ. Once the sign was put up a business next store that does tattoos decided to put a sign that says Honk twice for..followed by a red devil.

In the article the women seems a little upset about the sign and mentions that young children are going to see said sign and ask what is the Satan sign is all about? You know what I say, grow up lady. Kids see more bad things in the first ten minutes of news then they ever would from one sign. Also the business owner of the tattoo shop says that Satan is part of the bible. That woman should grow a vagina and put her sign to the test. Some people can’t take any competition.

Believe in Jesus!

Woman goes mental, nutty, and bonkers, on flight and punches pilot!

2007-04-03T19:32:00.000-07:00

A flight headed to Honolulu was diverted to San Francisco because of a female passenger became a psycho crotch after being caught smoking in the lavatory. The one them hit the pilot after he left the cockpit to try and lend a hand with the disturbance.

She appeared to be out of her mind. Upset. Belligerent, isn’t this most females? I’m sure after dealing with that lunatic chick the pilot was like, “I have had it with these motherfucking ~~snakes~~ woman on this motherfucking plane!” I know I would! She sounds like a real catch or is that something you wouldn’t want to catch, like the clap or marriage. Either way you don’t want to catch it!

Google’s new Poop-WIFI! Shitty speed, good idea!

2007-04-03T18:29:00.000-07:00

Google’s new FREE in-home wireless broadband service, Google TiSP 'Toilet Internet Service Provider'(BETA)! It works on your poo! I have some monster poo, so I’m sure I could generate free WIFI for even my neighbors, there neighbors, and so on and so on! I’ll be the first to say my shit stinks! I know a little late to write about this since its past April fools, but I couldn’t help it! My cock is the size of an elephants drunk, April fools! I’ve really never gotten the concept! Maybe next year!

I want to Wii..Wii! Bad!

2007-04-03T13:46:00.000-07:00

Well, not really bad, but why not? Over at one of my favorite sites they are giving away a Wii if you mention there Wii giveaway on your site! So here it is, UNEASYSILENCE.COM! You guys rule! That one’s for free! I would like to win really bad and then I would rub my Wii really hard till I’m all Wii’d out! Not like that! You’re sick!
Go over now since it's all over at 3AM (-5 GMT) on April 6th, 2007!
An Uneasygiveaway! Yeah!

Man arrested for suspicion of urinating on a tree!

2007-03-29T19:12:00.000-07:00

Tempe Arizona Police arrest a man for suspicion of urinating on a tree in public. There not really sure if he did but once he spit at the police they decided to take the tree’s word for it. What a dumb ass!

Forcing panda to watch porn, is it really forcing?

2007-03-27T18:37:00.001-07:00

The Chiang Mai Zoo in Thailand is forcing a panda to watch porn in order for the panda to get in the mood so the bear can get a little action from his bear bitch Lin Hui. They say they show the video after hours not to startle tourists. It doesn’t explain what video they are using like Jenna Built for Speed or maybe the classic Debbie Does Dallas. Or maybe it’s just some bear on bear action with a little bear anal, maybe a bear blumpkin or perhaps an angry pirate. You never know about those horny panda’s. He's been watching it for the last three weeks! Yeah PORN!

Prime Minister Shinzo Abe denies that Japan forced women to work as sex slaves during World War II then rethinks about it and wishes they still did!

2007-03-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

I’m just glad it not just our government that is in to deniability. It always feels better when you’re not alone. Of course just like our government when your pants are down our government goes and picks up some smelly pirate hookers and pays those bitches $100 each for Hot Carl’s. I could be wrong about that but I thought that’s what our government does? Apparently the Prime Ministers friends talked him into apologizing for having sex slaves back in World War II. He followed it up by saying he didn’t sleep with any of them, but would have liked to and that his government wasn’t responsible for them, but would like to get some sex slaves for himself sometime in the near future. Now this guys a thinker!

I often ponder what is hiding underneath the bush?

2007-03-23T13:37:00.000-07:00

The all knowing and wise muff diver takes the plunge! Well what is Bush hiding? I know mammoth size balls underneath the bush are what he’s hiding! Doesn’t he always look like he’s hiding something? It must be that unmanageable hard on he gets when he starts asserting executive privilege to shield his aides from testifying before the Congress in the summary firings of eight U.S. attorneys! I know if I had that much power under my hood I would assert a lot of things. I would assert my man meat in your mouth! Nine inches around, think about it!

The British know there Alcohol and Tobacco!

2007-03-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

So the British do some study about drugs. They classified harmful substances, based on the actual risks posed to society. We should test a few people I know, they seem to be an actual risk posed to society. They ranked alcohol and tobacco among the top 10 most dangerous substances! Heroin and cocaine were ranked most dangerous, which is hard to believe since most people that take them that very first time get addicted! I looked and I didn’t see Porn anywhere on the list, thank god! Then what would I do for fun? The British scientists heading up this investigation is named Nutt, with a name like that is he someone we should be trusting? Really, come on now! Maybe they should do less drugs during there research and maybe they wouldn’t find Ecstasy at the bottom of the list. It’s not like it causes confusion, sleep problems, anxiety, teeth clenching, blurred vision, Acne like rash, Brain damage, depression, addiction, Paranoia, Nausea, Chills and sweating, liver damage, and Aggression just to name a few. Well now that I think about it, I cause all of those as well!

Animal right activists need to smoke pot, not take crack!

2007-03-20T20:20:00.000-07:00

Maybe it’s comparing apples to ass holes, but if my mother left me when I was young I would hope they wouldn’t have put me to sleep! Apparently animal right activists know a lot about animal rights, so much so they feel an abandoned polar bear is better off dead then raised by humans. I’m sure fucking glad that these people aren’t fucking rocket scientists; otherwise we would have never make it to the fucking moon! Oh, I get it! They are not pro life they are pro do whatever the fuck I want activist, whether it’s right or wrong. I guess killing isn’t always killing, but what the fuck do I know. Maybe there all just hunger for polar bear. If that’s the case then just fucking say so why don’t you! Let’s have a BBQ, I have never had polar bear before!

Stiff on plane and it wasn’t me this time!

2007-03-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

What a great fucking joke, sticking a dead grandmother next someone sleeping on a long flight. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to see that. It’s like giving your good friend a blow up sheep as a gift to him and his new wife on there wedding day! Ok maybe not as good, it doesn’t take much to get one of those sheep but to come up with a dead grandmother might be harder to find. Maybe I don’t look in the right places. The women died on a nine hour flight, can you blame her. Fuck, nine hours on a flight! Eat, sleep, fuck, shit, or die. What else would you do?

U.S has head in hole when it comes to climate consensus!

2007-03-18T08:17:00.000-07:00

Anyone that says the world’s climate isn’t changing is either living with there head in there ass or is too afraid to admit it, because if that’s the case we may all be in a lot of trouble. You can’t tell me that what we do does not affect things. There is always cause and affect, and that’s how the world works. As American’s I understand we are bullheaded and tell everyone we do things are way! Fuckoff the rest of the world, right! Well maybe sometimes as American’s we have to swallow our pried and stop using ignorance as an excuse to not help the earth. Whether we like it or not we are on this rock together. So America needs to get with the program or we will be left in the dust!

RIAA has yet to control the world!

2007-03-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

RIAA explanation of why they are doing the Devils handy work!

Is it me or are they doing everything half ass backwards? Great idea lets start suing today’s youth so they will not be able to afford to buy our music. Yes great idea, let’s piss off the people that pay our salaries! Kids in college are stupid anyways, I’m sure we can get some money from there parents, great idea. Oh wait I’m so excited let pee on each other, yes that sound marvelous! College kids are poor anyways; they wouldn’t have money to buy our music. It’s there parent’s money that we want! Why hasn’t anyone taken these fucksticks down? Sometime I feel people need a good ass rapping and I think that exactly what the RIAA needs. They have been rapping and pillaging today’s youth since 1952!

Mouth to mouth bad for you, If your chocking!

2007-03-16T22:33:00.000-07:00

Mouth to mouth bad, I like dick to ass personally!

Shit, cock, motherfucking, pussy snot! What was I talking about? I have been drinking for the last few hours and about the only thing I can think about is making out with something, couch, chair, and lamp. Anything in fact, but since I have no luck, I will have to try to get someone to chock on something so I can make out with them. It’s harder then it looks, but I’ll keep trying. So this story says just pressing on the person’s chest helps much better then feeling them up. I mean mouth to mouth, but then what fun is that? That’s like saying ass to mouth is not cool! It is if you’re not the ass and it’s not your mouth that is being used. Keep that in mind kids.

Police arrest 7 year old, I say good job cops!

2007-03-16T22:18:00.000-07:00

Cops get head, I mean big head. Oh, you know what I mean!

Sometimes cops need to teach criminals lessons. That’s why they arrested a 7 year old. That fucking 7 year old criminal, they should fucking Rodney king style beat that kid. Riding his dirt bike on the side walk! Cops by the way are another group of people that need to pull there heads out of there ass. I hear about things like this and I think aren’t there fucking crimes to catch or unsolved cases they could be working on? Do they sit around jerking each other off with thumbs up there ass, so much they just look for people to give shit to and fuck with? If I had to jerk guys off and stick my finger up asses I would fuck with people too!

NY Gunman hates fucking restaurant!

2007-03-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

Gunman gone wild, doesn’t like what’s served!

Gunman goes wild, shots people and complains about the soup. If I don’t like what is being served, I normally say, hey can I get a foot long instead? It’s not what you think, but in this case this guy went hog wild and shot up some stuff and some people. He didn’t like the menu and starting shooting up stuff. People said he wasn’t sicko but what the fuck do they know? The sicko shoot people, so I say those people need a little help themselves. People, pull head out of ass and breathe, just a suggestion!

Reason 567, why men are dumbasses.

2007-03-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

Man Jailed for saying sorry!

One thing I have learned is that women don’t forget shit, never. When you’re a hundred and four they will remember that time that you didn’t put down the fucking toilet seat back in 1984. You know what I’m talking about? The guy sounds like he’s a big fucking winner by the way. He has to drug a chick to get laid. Then later, much later in life stops drinking and writes a letter to the girl he once rapped to fulfill his ninth step for AA. Yep, a big fucking winner, he should win the biggest fucking jackass award for this month. I’m sure there will be more handed out. You know who you are!

Mother shares too much, toddler smokes it up!

2007-03-15T20:05:00.000-07:00

Mother so high thought baby was unicorn!

She might not have thought the 2 year old was a unicorn but she thought the little guy would like to smoke it up. What the fuck is wrong with people? Oh wait she was high, my bad. I have to say at some point you need to fucking grow. You want to smoke pot, I’m down with that but give one to your baby and you should no longer be able to have children. The woman was on the streets of Phoenix with her posse, you know a 21 year old and a 16 year old. She sounds like a fucking saint, someone that really cares about our futures youth.

Girl gets the best gift she never wanted!

2007-03-15T17:53:00.000-07:00

Girl lost dog, then dog lost head!

I sometime consider some of the things I do kind of fucked up. Well not really kind of, it’s fucked up. That sheep will never walk the same, maybe another time I’ll elaborate. I have to say this takes the fucking cake. Anyways this young girl lost her dog and some very sick fuck thought it would be funny to cut the Australian shepherds head off and put it into a box with valentine candy. The sicko rapped the box up and put a bow on it and put it on the door step of the young girl’s house. I have to say, that’s fucked up!

How to miss place your Billion-Dollar U.S. Sub and 140 of it’s crew!

2007-03-14T16:49:00.000-07:00

Billion-Dollar U.S. Sub disappears overnight!

How the fuck do you loose a sub? Not sure but lets ask the U.S. Navy, how the fuck you loose Billion-Dollar sub. They say they lost communication with the sub and that caused all the craziness. USS San Juan first lost communications at 7 p.m. Tuesday and was finally re-established by 5 a.m. today. The 140 semen were too busy beating each other off that they didn’t even notice the situation evolving on the surface. So the moral is, next time you want to loose something call the U.S. Navy. They can loose anything no matter how big or small.

FDA says Pills are causing the shitty drivers!

2007-03-14T12:17:00.000-07:00

FDA says ALL prescription sleeping pills MAY SOMETIMES cause sleep-driving!

Doesn’t that seem just a little vague? What the fuck? Sleep-driving is a big problem apparently. They won’t tell us how big but I seem to dream about making out with chicks while driving around in my pretend BMW while riding naked on a white horse while eating a sub made from subway only on Tuesdays. Do you follow? It comes down to someone trying to save there ass. A Patrick Kennedy, who crashed his car and made up some story about prescription drugs to get out of a little trouble he might have gotten into with the law. This neurology chief Dr. Russell Katz says it’s very rare, but what the fuck does this guy know. It’s not like he’s some Director of Neuropharmacological Drug Products for the Food and Drug Administration or something. At least he was in 2005. Whatever, Patrick Kennedy says it’s a problem, and that’s what counts!

Free movie on me!

2007-03-14T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ok not me, Universal is giving them away!

This movie has to suck a big fat elephant cock for Universal to be giving away free tickets to a movie. The movie is a "Peaceful Warrior" which opens later in the month. They are giving away $15 million dollars worth of free tickets because they like to smoke the crack. Tickets will be available online beginning Sunday March 30^th, with the giveaway ending April 1. Either way free is free unless you’re raped.

Student had to brag about having sex with teacher!

2007-03-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

Student loves to talk about sleeping with his teacher so much, goes on TV and talks about it!

When will teachers learn? I have been hearing more about things like this lately. When I was in school all the teachers were ass ugly. You wouldn’t fuck them if you where stuck on a deserted island and your dick was on fire and the only way to put it out was to sleep with your fat ass but ugly French teacher named Fran. Nowadays, the teacher is hot thirty something blonde big breasted and horny as hell super teachslut. Makes me want to go back to school, I tell you. Well the stories goes, they did it a lot and smoked it up and got to crazy and now no more sex and drugs. Booo hoo fucking hoo, kid you had a good run and you’re famous for fucking your teacher. I’d give the kid a medal or a cookie or something if I could. Well kid, I’m proud of you and I hope your dad is as well! I know if it was my kid I would be!

Developing countries need new hobby!

2007-03-14T09:11:00.000-07:00

Population to Reach 9.2B in 2050!

It looks like the earth is going to be a little crowed is what they are saying in the years to come. The U.N. says it’s really only going to get crowed where they have nothing to do other then have sex. You know those developing Nations. You really can’t blame then, on Saturdays when I have nothing to do, sex comes to mind. I can only image if all I had to do was build dirt hills and run around half naked, I’d be fucking too. Like a rabbit! The U.N says the richer countries, which is everywhere else is going to grow but not as much and not as fast. They had me worried because I know that I’m not stopping having sex, that’s for sure. Fuck that!

Why everyone needs Cox Cable!

2007-03-13T18:18:00.000-07:00

Cable program interrupted/made better by porn images

Apparently on Monday night Cox fucked up and porn took the place of a cable program, a shitty one I might add. I would feel better about this if it was one of the programs I was watching. Porn was shown for about 5 whole minutes. WTF was I watching? Cox puts the blame on ION Media Networks. ION Media Networks apologize for the porn, why the fuck are they apologizing? So some kids watched porn, when I was there age I was watching porn too, just not with my mom. At least not that I remember, I blocked out a lot of things from my childhood though. Anyways free porn is free porn, even with your mom. Not mine, yours! Porntastic!

Someone is always Butt Hurt!

2007-03-13T11:11:00.000-07:00

Movie "300" Makes Iranian Government butt hurt!

I think we are way too PC (Politically Correct) these days. So when I heard this, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I think people think too fucking highly of themselves these days. I’m really just talking about me here. I really thought it’s called a movie for a reason. It’s not fact, it’s a movie! I’m getting the feeling that the whole Iranian Government needs to get laid more often! They consider the movie a hostile move against the Iranian nation. I thought the film was an adaptation of a graphic novel, not history? People need to lighten up; I didn’t get that upset at Edward Scissor Hands, did I! That movie still pisses me off! Don’t ask!

Chicago apparently thinks they have bright ideas!

2007-03-13T10:44:00.000-07:00

Chicago is giving away 500,000 energy-efficient light bulbs!
Maybe they should start looking at other things in Chicago, rather then just give away light bulbs. I’m not sure if anyone else has been there but a few light bulbs 500,000 to be exact, is about the last thing that city should be worried about. They claim it can save money though, as much as $30. That’s $30 bucks right in your pocket. Right, I’m still waiting for the catch on this but the story didn’t elaborate. I have a ton of bright ideas for them but they involve prostitutes, pitch forks, and a few lamas. Now that I think about it, I think they have that there. Never mind.

Once again, our government does whatever the hell they want!

2007-03-13T07:40:00.000-07:00

The end of analog TV broadcasts!
I really shouldn’t even fucking care, right! I’m sure no one else does, but I can’t help but think that this is total shit that our tax money is going to this! That chaps my ass big time, and I hate walking funny because of it. The government will offer households as much as $80 each to help convert televisions. Eighty fucking bucks, spending $1.5 billion on this program, WTF! If only I didn’t have such a long list of things that piss me off I would be able to include this one. Maybe next year!

Another study where if they would have just paid me, I could have already told them study!

2007-03-13T07:32:00.000-07:00

Study says computers give boost in productivity, NO SHIT! REALLY!

"Money spent on computing technology delivers gains in worker productivity that are three to five times those of other investments."

Isn’t this old news?

A prime example of why the European’s are out of there minds!

2007-03-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

European Cities say fuck off to Traffic Signs!

Seven Cites in Europe are giving up traffic signs, and taking up hand signals!

Now that’s a great idea, pandefuckingmonium! Let’s get rid of all signs of any kind. Smart thinking, why don’t we just ride on camels, and use large birds to fly on rather than planes. Who are they kidding? Perhaps in a perfect world this might work. Now let’s all commit Harry Carry shall we! Before I forget, next time I say “Hey let's go on a European vacation” remind me of this so I wake up!

For fuck sake!

Rolling Rock

2007-03-11T18:57:00.000-07:00

Always need a Rolling Rock to cool the axe!