RIAA has yet to control the world!

RIAA explanation of why they are doing the Devils handy work!

Is it me or are they doing everything half ass backwards? Great idea lets start suing today’s youth so they will not be able to afford to buy our music. Yes great idea, let’s piss off the people that pay our salaries! Kids in college are stupid anyways, I’m sure we can get some money from there parents, great idea. Oh wait I’m so excited let pee on each other, yes that sound marvelous! College kids are poor anyways; they wouldn’t have money to buy our music. It’s there parent’s money that we want! Why hasn’t anyone taken these fucksticks down? Sometime I feel people need a good ass rapping and I think that exactly what the RIAA needs. They have been rapping and pillaging today’s youth since 1952!

Mouth to mouth bad for you, If your chocking!

Mouth to mouth bad, I like dick to ass personally!

Shit, cock, motherfucking, pussy snot! What was I talking about? I have been drinking for the last few hours and about the only thing I can think about is making out with something, couch, chair, and lamp. Anything in fact, but since I have no luck, I will have to try to get someone to chock on something so I can make out with them. It’s harder then it looks, but I’ll keep trying. So this story says just pressing on the person’s chest helps much better then feeling them up. I mean mouth to mouth, but then what fun is that? That’s like saying ass to mouth is not cool! It is if you’re not the ass and it’s not your mouth that is being used. Keep that in mind kids.

Police arrest 7 year old, I say good job cops!

Cops get head, I mean big head. Oh, you know what I mean!

Sometimes cops need to teach criminals lessons. That’s why they arrested a 7 year old. That fucking 7 year old criminal, they should fucking Rodney king style beat that kid. Riding his dirt bike on the side walk! Cops by the way are another group of people that need to pull there heads out of there ass. I hear about things like this and I think aren’t there fucking crimes to catch or unsolved cases they could be working on? Do they sit around jerking each other off with thumbs up there ass, so much they just look for people to give shit to and fuck with? If I had to jerk guys off and stick my finger up asses I would fuck with people too!

NY Gunman hates fucking restaurant!

Gunman gone wild, doesn’t like what’s served!

Gunman goes wild, shots people and complains about the soup. If I don’t like what is being served, I normally say, hey can I get a foot long instead? It’s not what you think, but in this case this guy went hog wild and shot up some stuff and some people. He didn’t like the menu and starting shooting up stuff. People said he wasn’t sicko but what the fuck do they know? The sicko shoot people, so I say those people need a little help themselves. People, pull head out of ass and breathe, just a suggestion!

Reason 567, why men are dumbasses.

Man Jailed for saying sorry!

One thing I have learned is that women don’t forget shit, never. When you’re a hundred and four they will remember that time that you didn’t put down the fucking toilet seat back in 1984. You know what I’m talking about? The guy sounds like he’s a big fucking winner by the way. He has to drug a chick to get laid. Then later, much later in life stops drinking and writes a letter to the girl he once rapped to fulfill his ninth step for AA. Yep, a big fucking winner, he should win the biggest fucking jackass award for this month. I’m sure there will be more handed out. You know who you are!

Mother shares too much, toddler smokes it up!

Mother so high thought baby was unicorn!

She might not have thought the 2 year old was a unicorn but she thought the little guy would like to smoke it up. What the fuck is wrong with people? Oh wait she was high, my bad. I have to say at some point you need to fucking grow. You want to smoke pot, I’m down with that but give one to your baby and you should no longer be able to have children. The woman was on the streets of Phoenix with her posse, you know a 21 year old and a 16 year old. She sounds like a fucking saint, someone that really cares about our futures youth.

Girl gets the best gift she never wanted!

Girl lost dog, then dog lost head!

I sometime consider some of the things I do kind of fucked up. Well not really kind of, it’s fucked up. That sheep will never walk the same, maybe another time I’ll elaborate. I have to say this takes the fucking cake. Anyways this young girl lost her dog and some very sick fuck thought it would be funny to cut the Australian shepherds head off and put it into a box with valentine candy. The sicko rapped the box up and put a bow on it and put it on the door step of the young girl’s house. I have to say, that’s fucked up!

How to miss place your Billion-Dollar U.S. Sub and 140 of it’s crew!

Billion-Dollar U.S. Sub disappears overnight!

How the fuck do you loose a sub? Not sure but lets ask the U.S. Navy, how the fuck you loose Billion-Dollar sub. They say they lost communication with the sub and that caused all the craziness. USS San Juan first lost communications at 7 p.m. Tuesday and was finally re-established by 5 a.m. today. The 140 semen were too busy beating each other off that they didn’t even notice the situation evolving on the surface. So the moral is, next time you want to loose something call the U.S. Navy. They can loose anything no matter how big or small.

FDA says Pills are causing the shitty drivers!

FDA says ALL prescription sleeping pills MAY SOMETIMES cause sleep-driving!

Doesn’t that seem just a little vague? What the fuck? Sleep-driving is a big problem apparently. They won’t tell us how big but I seem to dream about making out with chicks while driving around in my pretend BMW while riding naked on a white horse while eating a sub made from subway only on Tuesdays. Do you follow? It comes down to someone trying to save there ass. A Patrick Kennedy, who crashed his car and made up some story about prescription drugs to get out of a little trouble he might have gotten into with the law. This neurology chief Dr. Russell Katz says it’s very rare, but what the fuck does this guy know. It’s not like he’s some Director of Neuropharmacological Drug Products for the Food and Drug Administration or something. At least he was in 2005. Whatever, Patrick Kennedy says it’s a problem, and that’s what counts!

Free movie on me!

Ok not me, Universal is giving them away!

This movie has to suck a big fat elephant cock for Universal to be giving away free tickets to a movie. The movie is a "Peaceful Warrior" which opens later in the month. They are giving away $15 million dollars worth of free tickets because they like to smoke the crack. Tickets will be available online beginning Sunday March 30^th, with the giveaway ending April 1. Either way free is free unless you’re raped.

Student had to brag about having sex with teacher!

Student loves to talk about sleeping with his teacher so much, goes on TV and talks about it!

When will teachers learn? I have been hearing more about things like this lately. When I was in school all the teachers were ass ugly. You wouldn’t fuck them if you where stuck on a deserted island and your dick was on fire and the only way to put it out was to sleep with your fat ass but ugly French teacher named Fran. Nowadays, the teacher is hot thirty something blonde big breasted and horny as hell super teachslut. Makes me want to go back to school, I tell you. Well the stories goes, they did it a lot and smoked it up and got to crazy and now no more sex and drugs. Booo hoo fucking hoo, kid you had a good run and you’re famous for fucking your teacher. I’d give the kid a medal or a cookie or something if I could. Well kid, I’m proud of you and I hope your dad is as well! I know if it was my kid I would be!

Developing countries need new hobby!

Population to Reach 9.2B in 2050!

It looks like the earth is going to be a little crowed is what they are saying in the years to come. The U.N. says it’s really only going to get crowed where they have nothing to do other then have sex. You know those developing Nations. You really can’t blame then, on Saturdays when I have nothing to do, sex comes to mind. I can only image if all I had to do was build dirt hills and run around half naked, I’d be fucking too. Like a rabbit! The U.N says the richer countries, which is everywhere else is going to grow but not as much and not as fast. They had me worried because I know that I’m not stopping having sex, that’s for sure. Fuck that!

Why everyone needs Cox Cable!

Cable program interrupted/made better by porn images

Apparently on Monday night Cox fucked up and porn took the place of a cable program, a shitty one I might add. I would feel better about this if it was one of the programs I was watching. Porn was shown for about 5 whole minutes. WTF was I watching? Cox puts the blame on ION Media Networks. ION Media Networks apologize for the porn, why the fuck are they apologizing? So some kids watched porn, when I was there age I was watching porn too, just not with my mom. At least not that I remember, I blocked out a lot of things from my childhood though. Anyways free porn is free porn, even with your mom. Not mine, yours! Porntastic!

Someone is always Butt Hurt!

Movie "300" Makes Iranian Government butt hurt!

I think we are way too PC (Politically Correct) these days. So when I heard this, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I think people think too fucking highly of themselves these days. I’m really just talking about me here. I really thought it’s called a movie for a reason. It’s not fact, it’s a movie! I’m getting the feeling that the whole Iranian Government needs to get laid more often! They consider the movie a hostile move against the Iranian nation. I thought the film was an adaptation of a graphic novel, not history? People need to lighten up; I didn’t get that upset at Edward Scissor Hands, did I! That movie still pisses me off! Don’t ask!

Chicago apparently thinks they have bright ideas!

Chicago is giving away 500,000 energy-efficient light bulbs!
Maybe they should start looking at other things in Chicago, rather then just give away light bulbs. I’m not sure if anyone else has been there but a few light bulbs 500,000 to be exact, is about the last thing that city should be worried about. They claim it can save money though, as much as $30. That’s $30 bucks right in your pocket. Right, I’m still waiting for the catch on this but the story didn’t elaborate. I have a ton of bright ideas for them but they involve prostitutes, pitch forks, and a few lamas. Now that I think about it, I think they have that there. Never mind.

Once again, our government does whatever the hell they want!

The end of analog TV broadcasts!
I really shouldn’t even fucking care, right! I’m sure no one else does, but I can’t help but think that this is total shit that our tax money is going to this! That chaps my ass big time, and I hate walking funny because of it. The government will offer households as much as $80 each to help convert televisions. Eighty fucking bucks, spending $1.5 billion on this program, WTF! If only I didn’t have such a long list of things that piss me off I would be able to include this one. Maybe next year!

Another study where if they would have just paid me, I could have already told them study!

Study says computers give boost in productivity, NO SHIT! REALLY!

"Money spent on computing technology delivers gains in worker productivity that are three to five times those of other investments."

Isn’t this old news?

A prime example of why the European’s are out of there minds!

European Cities say fuck off to Traffic Signs!

Seven Cites in Europe are giving up traffic signs, and taking up hand signals!

Now that’s a great idea, pandefuckingmonium! Let’s get rid of all signs of any kind. Smart thinking, why don’t we just ride on camels, and use large birds to fly on rather than planes. Who are they kidding? Perhaps in a perfect world this might work. Now let’s all commit Harry Carry shall we! Before I forget, next time I say “Hey let's go on a European vacation” remind me of this so I wake up!

For fuck sake!

Rolling Rock

Always need a Rolling Rock to cool the axe!